I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
