at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I need a hoe opinion
go on
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize