if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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