he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
