you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
