My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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