Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
