Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
