wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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