why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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