they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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