ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
