Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
