The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
