I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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