Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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