Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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