the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
