ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize