Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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