Got a toothbrush?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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