Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
