Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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