I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
