he was CRYING into my vagina
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
