I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
