Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
