I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
