I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
this hospital has no fireball
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
