im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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