we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
