Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
