So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize