So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
