what day is it and did you see me today?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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