yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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