he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
