i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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