I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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