you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
