dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i permit you to call me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
