DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
