so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
