just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
