dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my phone needs a breathalizer
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize