How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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