hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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