Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
