no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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