i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
