you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize