it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
