Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
