i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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