My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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