I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
