Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
