Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize