He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
