oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize