i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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