the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
