there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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