exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
