the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
