I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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