she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
