If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
